Well, on the positives, I recently got into a really nice uni in a safe city, for Biomedicine! I love women, of all kinds, I love writing miscellanious writing, and I'm a Celtic Christian, however my Pro-Choice beliefs differ with the Church. I love to study and learn, however I struggle with long concentration.
I believe my issues really started when I was around 12, or at the very least, my first visual differences started happening at this time. I was bullied quite severely at this time, and was getting groomed online by various different people and websites. At first my visions were very unsettling, and led me to become very afraid of my school building and my home. Before I reached 13, I was already terrified of anyone who could possibly be following me on my way home, and started feeling unsafe in my own home. I was forced into temporary housing and a very stressful situation as my family was made homeless, and we were placed over 30 miles away from my school. The fear in my house had now dissapated however, the fear I held at school was worse than ever with sleep deprivation. We finally moved back into a house at 13 when I was joining high school.
A 17 year old girl became close friends with me, due to the fact she lived in my new area, and we eventually started dating. She forced me to do many things that were against my will. I can't really say more than this. She physically a---ed me and a----ted me. I broke up with her a little ways after I had turned 14. I tried dating one boy in order to appeal to my parents wishes, and he degraded my weight and appearance, force-fed me and a-----ted me. A different boy I became best friends with over time when I was about 16. He took advantage of me, blackmailed me, and threatened to ---- himself if I didn't do as he asked. Some may consider this consent, however I do not believe it was so. He ----d me multiple times. Needless to say, this was not helpful in the slightest. I went to talk therapy for a year, and I really mean this when I say it: Please, if you're struggling, seek therapy, it's good shit. I had a wonderful lady named Anna, who really helped me with much of the trauma the first boy bestowed upon me. I had to go to a different therapist after the second lad, as that created a whole other can of worms that I had to open...
This therapy got me diagnosed with PTSD and, finally, Schizoaffective disorder. I used to have dreams of being a doctor, doing medicine and helping others since I really love diseases. These dreams got thwacked away from me like a baseball by the abusers in my life and the disorder I've seem to have had since I was rather young.
Is the disorder fun? No. Of course not. The depression kills my spirit and the psychosis makes life difficult. I'm filled with fear everyday.
Continued to some experiences
